The trichotomy of control

A couple of weeks ago I was going over the risks of my job search strategy. While I (re)learned at the end of last year that the number of applications was important, I ended up not sending as many as I set myself out to because there aren’t simply that many attractive options. (Someone told me to lower my expectations, but why?).

I started thinking more about this as I approached stages 3 of 5 with a company, and 4 of 5 with another. I was enjoying the processes, giving myself into them mentally. I had learned a lesson about not giving myself into these processes emotionally, however. But then it dawned on me that, yet again, it could very well happen that I do not get any job offers… no matter how much I gave myself into them.

I had the last interview with one of the companies on Thursday night. The process had covered: a recruiter interview, a test task, a team debrief of the task, a cultural (psychological) interview and a founder interview. After all that, I got a typical “unfortunately we decided to proceed with another candidate” and upon requesting additional details (was it a skill? was it team fit? was it something else?) I got no response… 30 hours invested get you that: no response.

But then I asked myself: are you going to let yourself stay on the floor knocked out after this hit for two weeks like you did back in October? No, you are not going to. Two hours this time was enough. I wish it could be two minutes, but my emotional strength training does not take me that far. Life will probably give me many more blows with which to keep training the muscle.

Meanwhile, here comes the lesson: A couple of years ago I read the book A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine. I have been re-reading it this past week (I ascribe to the idea that some books are worth reading again). One of the lessons of the book comes from the author’s dissection of the dichotomy of control of Epictetus in which the Greek philosopher states that “Some things are up to us and some are not up to us”. The author, after a brief analysis of what he believes the Greek philosopher meant, offers an updated version and transforms it into a trichotomy:

1. There are things over which we have no control at all
2. There are things over which we have complete control
3. There are things over which we have some, but not complete control

I won’t pretend like this was the first time I heard a similar statement. But there are lessons we have to be exposed to multiple times in different circumstances for us to internalize them. And so this was an opportunity for me to figure out how much I could control over the results of my job search experience, and how much was outside my sphere of influence. And so I started reflecting…

Back in November I asked a colleague who worked in recruitment to have a look at my CV. I learned a few points from that, applied the changes, and started sending job applications with the new version of my synthesized worklife document.

Then, in December I reached out to some friends and asked them for specific feedback on a test task I had sent to a company and which had rejected me right after sending it. I then applied the lessons I gathered from them to another task and was able to move further.

Then there is a BUT: when I ask companies for specific feedback I do not get responses. It is not that I get a specific type of responses, I just don’t get responses at all. I get ghosted, to use a term in vogue (or is it?).

As I get frustrated when this situations happen, I ask myself to put the newly internalize lesson in practice: What could I control from this situation? What can I do with this lack of response? The only thing I can do is move forward. Even if I got a response, it might not be informative enough as to help me improve changes in my process. That means I have 1 in 3 possibilities of getting a satisfactory lesson. Pretty low. Moving forward, on the other hand, gives me 100% chances of success. At what? At creating new opportunities for myself …

I can also control what other endeavours I make to provide myself with the cognitive stimulation I seek while working in cooperation with other humans (read: a job), without depending on a particular format to get it (read: a traditional job). I can volunteer, mentor, advise, start my own business (if I find a problem I am excited enough about solving) and participate in events.

That is how the trichotomy helped me move from a 2 week grief from a job rejection to a 2-hour one. And then, I have to keep going because job’s not finished.

Happy Friday,
Maria 🌺

P.S. My job search starts to feel like a hunting strategy…